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NOAH KALINA
20191021
I am just wrapping up the post production on the MoMA photographs we made two weeks ago. When all is said and done we will deliver 75 photos. It was only 4 days shooting but Zach Vitale has probably spent 2 weeks making them look as good as humanly possible. If you're looking for one of the hardest working retouchers in all of the land, give him a call. Also, Happy Birthday, Zach! 

MoMA Publicity Still, 2019
 
Museums have definitely been on my mind these past few weeks. And because things always seem to relate to each other in a serendipitous way I just got an email from my friend Nick Gray. Do you know Nick Gray? 
 


As the legend goes, years ago, Nick visited The Metropolitan Museum of Art on a date and quickly became obsessed with the museum. He loved it so much he started giving his friends tours. This evolved into something he called Hack The Met which later turned into a real company called Museum Hack.

In the early years (2013) when it was still a renegade/unofficial museum tour, I had the opportunity to go. Honestly, it was the best and most surreal museum tour I've ever done. 


Museum Tour Information, Nick Gray, 2013
(For some reason I am vaping in this video, which is something I actually never do and Allison Williams from Girls and Get Out was on this tour which might seem random but in many ways it's not surprising but that's a story for another time.)


 
Nick's passion for museums was infectious and I wanted to make a video with and about him. 
Interesting fact: You can take all the photos you want at the Met but you need to get a special permit for a tripod which are easily acquired in the lobby.
That said, you aren't actually allowed to make videos but luckily DSLR's don't look like video cameras so I was just making "long exposures" if a security guard got curious about what we were doing. 

After we filmed I called Nick on the phone, asked him a few questions and recorded his answers. I edited it all together and made "Nick and The Met".




Anyway, Nick just sold his company and he writes about it in detail in his latest newsletter. Nick has now joined the long storied history of white men who have made millions on the backs of artists.

Read all about it here and make sure to subscribe to his newsletter. He is always candid and always sharing interesting tips, things and places he finds on his travels around the world. I am a big fan. 

Congratulations on your success, Nick! 

Nick laying on the floor at the Met. Screenshot. 2015
 
I just found this video of outtakes I called "On the Phone" which is epic bonus content if you are still reading this.
I am an advocate for uploading all of the photos you've ever taken to Google Photos and or Amazon Photos. I love being able to search for keywords and dates if I am looking for a specific photo. I use both Amazon and Google because they both give vastly different results. 
 
To find photos of Nick I used the search terms "The Met", "Museum" and "Gallery". Google had the best results and also returned some great memories. 

Jane and Josh 2016
 
New York Magazine asked me to photograph a couple making out in museums in New York for The Hedonists Guild to Summer In New York (archived link). I asked Jane and Josh to go to The Met with me and "like kiss or something" while I took photos. They got into it. Like really into it. Like whoa jeez calm down into it. The security guards kept telling us to cool down and I am actually surprised I am not banned from the Met. 



Earlier that day I went to the Natural History Museum with my friends Michael and Kathryn.

Michael and Kathryn 2016
 
They were too romantic for the magazine.

Pro Tip: Both Google and Amazon censor search terms, so you can't search for your "nudes" but if you search for "hand" make sure you're not in public.
Searching "museum" resulted in numerous installation photos of "everyday". I like these because I think seeing my face projected on the walls of galleries and museums is insane and ridiculous. 

"Command Z", Torrance Art Museum. Torrance California 2007


















"The Evolution of the Digital Portrait", Clamp Art, Chelsea New York 2007





 
"Performance: Contemporary Photography from the Doublas Nielsen Collection" - Center for Creative Photography - Tucson, AZ 2014

"As Others See Us". Brattleboro Museum, Vermont. 2008

International Center for Photography Projected, New York - 2017
Searching "Gallery" returned this great memory of this one night only show I put on in Brooklyn in 2013.

"Flowers*" - 17 Frost - Brooklyn, NY 2013

I rented stage lights and lit each photograph. I filled the room with haze and it looked absolutely amazing. We kept tripping the fuse box and I had to stop fogging up the room to keep the lights on. It was an amazing night.


Searching Amazon Photos for "Gallery" returned this photograph of me wearing a poncho sitting on a bed in a motel in Portland, Oregon circa 2013.

This week I think you should:

Eat - MUSH - I saw this on my favorite show Shark Tank and I ordered a box. It sounds disgusting, looks crazy but tastes real good. I like the blueberry and chocolate flavor.  
Watch - Richard Serra - Equal - Now on view at the new MoMA. They basically built the room around the work
Listen - 30-50 Feral Hogs - Reply All is without a doubt the best podcast. 
Buy - 182 Rio Dam Rd - Look at that outbuilding AKA your future studio. 135K?! You're probably looking at like 50-100K to fix up the inside of house but whatever. Offer 100K. You can do it. Paint the house black.
Read - Your local newspaper. I just subscribed to The Sullivan County Democrat. Patricio Robayo's reporting made me aware of the duck "farms" in Sullivan County, NY and I am inspired by his hustle covering Sullivan County, NY for this newspaper. Also, it's wood stove season so the paper makes great kindling. 

See you soon!
-Noah
Copyright © 2019 Noah Kalina, All rights reserved.






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Noah Kalina · PO Box 202 · Barryville, NY 12719-5647 · USA

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