Heyheyhey Sternal Journalists,
I'm pressed for time this week. Like, if successful, I will write this entire e-mail (including the linking of pesky hyperlinks) in about 180 seconds.
So you want a gift guide? No, you don't. Look at the top of your browser. You have about 19 tabs of different gift guides already open. I looked over Kristen's shoulder the other day (because I am a SNOOP) and she had four different tabs that were like "The Perfect Gift for the 57 Different Types of Brother."
We've got enough guides!
So this is more of a homework assignment wrapped up in a quick story. Here is the story:
Beginning: When walking around Beverly, I see all these cool stickers and prints of Sheep that say things like "I LOVE EWE" or "I BELIEVE IN EWE" and I thought they were cute.
Middle: I saw that one had a VENMO HANDLE on the piece of art. After two months of looking at the venmo handle, I venmoed it ten bucks because, you know? They bring me joy. Then I looked it up on instagram and realized he has a website and you can buy his sheep.
End: I got a bunch of cool stickers of Rith bader Ginsberg as a sheep that say "WE MISS EWE RUTH."
So absolutely buy some sheep stickers if you want. I love this guy
But more importantly, think of something rinkadink in your neighborhood that has brought you joy, and pay them a little bit of money for that joy. (The secret is that it will actually bring them joy, and you even more joy!
And of course, find a local cause to support. I am still championing Shower of Hope's "Six for Six LA
" Project. They're raising money to house six unhoused women currently enrolled in community college, and offer counseling, academic support, and food stability. If you have six dollars, six cents, sixty dollars, six thousand, the full amount of sixtyyy thousaaaand (I know a few of you do or know people), throw em the cash.
Before I go (and I'll admit this has taken about ten minutes), I wanna say that my plan for today was to do a best of the year. I (a) felt like that might be a cop out, and then (b) realized it was actually going to take a while to write a roundup so I didn't do it. BUT I compiled the 15 finalists for best Sternal Journals of the year by going back and looking at the ones that people replied to.
I'll share that list at some point (hell, maybe next week), but for now I want to say thank you. As a writer and/or comedian and whatever, you create a lot of things that go into the void. You create a lot of things that you then discover are not a thing because nobody responds to it.
I thought it would be good for me to do this weekly because it would get me to write at least something every single week. And truly not a week has gone by without somebody chiming in that they enjoyed it or got a chuckle or they had some thoughts or critiques (one of my favorites: "Sending your newsletter at 8am on a Saturday. So crazy it just might work). I'm pretty sure that if it weren't for the fact that I knew people were reading and sometimes enjoying, I would not have been able to do it. I can't wait to see what's next, and again, thank you.
Wow. In the end, I guided myself to the greatest gift of all: you, the reader. (this is sarcastic, but also true)
Like I said, I'm pressed for time today, but perhaps I'll say more in the PROLOGUE TO THE STERNAL JOURNAL BEST OF VOLUME ONE THAT I'M GONNA PUBLISH INTO SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE SO GREAT DAMN OKAY GOTTA GO