by Kimberly Ky
Hello all, I'm Kim. My passion is to teach from my path. Here I will explore the intersection of my spiritual practice with motherhood.
Even as I type these first few words, I feel a locking in my jaw, a tightness in my face, and a stalling in my heartbeat. What is more uncomfortable than these sensations is the experiences that first triggered these physical responses.
Breathing deeply into my roots, I sense my inner child and her interactions with Mom and Grandma. I see jagged looks and clenched lungs. And most sadly, withheld love.
Why did my mother withhold love? The simplified realization, void of blame, was that she did not approve of herself. Since this was HER process, MY process began with noticing when she was not in approval of herself, and accepting her as she was in that moment. Although this was not and is still not easy, it helped me create space from that sense of blockage.
After this realization, I began to consciously approve of myself in my most insecure moments: sharing art, communicating vulnerable emotions, dancing, or any movement. In this breath-ful practice of approving myself, I became less and less inhibited. I became less and less concerned about external responses to my authenticity.
It became less of what other people would approve of, and became an ongoing, endless practice of being joyful in my own experience. This looks like living fully and allowing myself to be bright and grow. This looks sharing more of myself in new situations and healing more in old situations. This looks like me doing ME!
Now, I am a mother and a partner. Being inhibited no longer feels like an option. When I’m faced with a new challenge in caring for my son, staying inhibited means I may not provide him with what he needs. In new challenges with my partner, it could mean that we stay in a smaller experience of love - an experience that still harbors pain and fear.
So, being a mother and partner who is uninhibited looks like constantly approving of myself FIRST. And even more deeply, approving of my own mother, and her mother, and so on. By doing this work, I am able to make more space for expansive experiences that bring me joy and wisdom.
Actually, nothing is in my way.